Hello Shelby and Dalton,

It's been a week since my last post, but I would like to post today.  I don't have much new to add, the week was busy, Mariko, Rafi and Leo were with us from Thursday through Monday morning.  Your Daddy is in Albuquerque this week, coming home tomorrow night.  It's been very hot and humid this week, more reminiscent of Houston or New Orleans than our typically dry desert environs.  There's a certain numbness and paralysis I've been feeling lately.  I've been trying to be a good housekeeper and keep things fairly neat, clean and organized, but all I do is sit around, watching television and surfing on this stupid computer.  My life is in such a holding pattern right now.  I was supposed to be unimaginably busy taking care of the two of you, feedings, baths, diaper changes, mountains of laundry.  Instead, there is just this gross void, this terrible emptiness.  I am supposed to be getting healthy (read losing weight) and preparing my body to try again in a few months.  I can't even succeed at that.  My weight moves up instead of down.  I first started tracking my weight in February and I have GAINED 12 lbs since then, those are 12 lbs I should have LOST, not GAINED.  What is wrong with me?  My only excuse is that I am looking to food and drink for comfort.

Everywhere I look, it seems like there are twins.  My friend just announced her other daughter is now expecting twins.  Her younger daughter had twins in March, we had been tracking each other's pregnancies until everything exploded in my pregnancy.  She now has healthy twin grandsons, with another set of twins on the way.  She was so kind to me, sending me memory boxes that she creates for her local hospital.  I feel I should send something to her for her grandchildren.  There is also this stupid commercial for coupons, where the cretinous couple is pretending they're doing an ad for online dating, but it's actually for online couponing, and the husband talks about how he printed off coupons as a romantic surprise for her, then she says "that's how the twins were born".... it's so terribly annoying, I switch the channel each time it comes on.

My babies, my heart is aching with emptiness and longing for you.